Why

I often wonder, why is that some of your best friends always seem to be the ones that live on the other side of the country, or even in a different country. does it always have to pan out this way? I hope not. I can honestly say that I have one friend that lives about 15 minutes away from me. Am I really that lame? I don't think so. Well, maybe sometimes. But thats a moot point.

I am thankful for the friends that I do have, I just wish that I had more I guess. someone to spend the day with, someone to bs with over a drink, at a bar, or even on the back porch from time to time.

Oh well, life goes on, so will I.

So, that's what the problem is..

Lately, I've been feeling down in the dumps, tired all the time and not sleeping well. I finally drug my ass to the dr's on Thursday. I was diagnosed with moderate depression. Which, techinically, wasn't a major surprise, considering circustances I don't believe are necessary to discuss. So, I am now on Anti Depressants. They make me tired and woozy. I made the important decision that I will now be taking them before bed from now on.

I will be on the meds for a minimum of 6 months. I've been kinda rumaging through the interwebz at depression and effects and what not. Trying to learn as much I can about what's going on with me.

Anyways. There's my big bad dark secret. I.AM.DEPRESSED...

whoops

Shit, so I just realized its been almost a month since I wrote a new entry. My oh my how time flies. You know those months, ya those ones, where life just kicks you in the ass and gets in the way? Well, this has definitely been a month to reckon with. Thankfully things seem to be getting back into a smoother routine and groove. For now anyway. Hopefully it sticks.
Tomorrow morning I am meeting my family at the black bear diner for breakfast. Should be fun. Haven't been to that place in ages. Anywho, so since things have calmed down a little bit not a whole lot is going on. My nephew turns 10. And caleb turns 10 months old. Holy crow! 2 months from Monday my baby boy will be a whole year old. Completely nuts! Well, I suppose its off to bed. Love, peace, & chicken grease!

Bored

I am so freaking bored. The interwebz are little to none entertaining me today. Farmville doesn't need to be tended to. I planet yellow melon specifically for the reason that, it taks 3 or 4 days to grow. Yippee. I could try to beat my high score on typing maniac. I don't know. I'm just bored.

Better

So, since Sunday, J and I hadn't spoke much until last night. It was bad. I mean, you could probably cut the tension with a butter knife it was so thick. I hate feeling that way. I hate knowing that something is bothering him but he won't talk about it. J isn't the most communicative person in the world. Neither am I, between the both of us, it takes a lot to make our marriage work. Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't easy, but sometimes I wonder if others have it easier. Yeah, life, marriage and other things in general aren't the fairy tale stories we've all heard growing, not puppies and rainbows, oh my god this is the greatest thing ever. It takes sacrafice, compromise and moments of utter disbelief. But in the end, I love him with all my heart. He is my all. Because of him, I have my 2 beautiful boys, whom I love with all my being. To imagine losing them, I can't even fathom, it kills me to even think about it. They are my all, my knights in shining armor. All my lovely men and little men.

Well we finally talked , mulled it over, got over whatever the freak was wrong, I cried and then felt better. J and I rarely fight, but when we do, it's bad, really tense, but we get it over with quickly. Forgive and forget.

This weekend.

I fully intend searching through every single box I have, to look for my poetry journal. I really really really want to share it with people, for them to see what talent I use to have. It has disappeared, I hope that looking through my old stuff will spark something in me. I use to love writing poems. In fact I kept a little notepad in my backpack or purse just in case I got the urge. It was wonderful. I really loved it.

Hopefully my quest will come to something good. We shall see though.

I guess

I guess it's been a few days since I posted anything. There's really nothing to say at this point. Besides, I am pretty sure that Josh is sitting next to me, being pissed off, for no apparent reason. I love men, they are so fucking easy to read. Yea, like I automatically know why you're pissed. Because, you know, I can totally read your mind, because I am fucking good like that. Pfft. Whatever, he'll get over it. Whatever it is.

We went to sun mountain fun center today, which is basically like a Chuck E Cheese. It was fun, we played ticket games, and had a fun but non winning game of bowling. My brothers girlfriend whomped everyone. She's pretty freaking good at it.

In other news. Caleb's 2nd tooth broke through either this morning or last night. So now my boobers has 2 teeth. They are coming in like crazy. Which is fun. Thankfully he's not too much of a grump.

Well there's my update for today.