Why

I often wonder, why is that some of your best friends always seem to be the ones that live on the other side of the country, or even in a different country. does it always have to pan out this way? I hope not. I can honestly say that I have one friend that lives about 15 minutes away from me. Am I really that lame? I don't think so. Well, maybe sometimes. But thats a moot point.

I am thankful for the friends that I do have, I just wish that I had more I guess. someone to spend the day with, someone to bs with over a drink, at a bar, or even on the back porch from time to time.

Oh well, life goes on, so will I.

So, that's what the problem is..

Lately, I've been feeling down in the dumps, tired all the time and not sleeping well. I finally drug my ass to the dr's on Thursday. I was diagnosed with moderate depression. Which, techinically, wasn't a major surprise, considering circustances I don't believe are necessary to discuss. So, I am now on Anti Depressants. They make me tired and woozy. I made the important decision that I will now be taking them before bed from now on.

I will be on the meds for a minimum of 6 months. I've been kinda rumaging through the interwebz at depression and effects and what not. Trying to learn as much I can about what's going on with me.

Anyways. There's my big bad dark secret. I.AM.DEPRESSED...

whoops

Shit, so I just realized its been almost a month since I wrote a new entry. My oh my how time flies. You know those months, ya those ones, where life just kicks you in the ass and gets in the way? Well, this has definitely been a month to reckon with. Thankfully things seem to be getting back into a smoother routine and groove. For now anyway. Hopefully it sticks.
Tomorrow morning I am meeting my family at the black bear diner for breakfast. Should be fun. Haven't been to that place in ages. Anywho, so since things have calmed down a little bit not a whole lot is going on. My nephew turns 10. And caleb turns 10 months old. Holy crow! 2 months from Monday my baby boy will be a whole year old. Completely nuts! Well, I suppose its off to bed. Love, peace, & chicken grease!

Bored

I am so freaking bored. The interwebz are little to none entertaining me today. Farmville doesn't need to be tended to. I planet yellow melon specifically for the reason that, it taks 3 or 4 days to grow. Yippee. I could try to beat my high score on typing maniac. I don't know. I'm just bored.

Better

So, since Sunday, J and I hadn't spoke much until last night. It was bad. I mean, you could probably cut the tension with a butter knife it was so thick. I hate feeling that way. I hate knowing that something is bothering him but he won't talk about it. J isn't the most communicative person in the world. Neither am I, between the both of us, it takes a lot to make our marriage work. Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't easy, but sometimes I wonder if others have it easier. Yeah, life, marriage and other things in general aren't the fairy tale stories we've all heard growing, not puppies and rainbows, oh my god this is the greatest thing ever. It takes sacrafice, compromise and moments of utter disbelief. But in the end, I love him with all my heart. He is my all. Because of him, I have my 2 beautiful boys, whom I love with all my being. To imagine losing them, I can't even fathom, it kills me to even think about it. They are my all, my knights in shining armor. All my lovely men and little men.

Well we finally talked , mulled it over, got over whatever the freak was wrong, I cried and then felt better. J and I rarely fight, but when we do, it's bad, really tense, but we get it over with quickly. Forgive and forget.

This weekend.

I fully intend searching through every single box I have, to look for my poetry journal. I really really really want to share it with people, for them to see what talent I use to have. It has disappeared, I hope that looking through my old stuff will spark something in me. I use to love writing poems. In fact I kept a little notepad in my backpack or purse just in case I got the urge. It was wonderful. I really loved it.

Hopefully my quest will come to something good. We shall see though.

I guess

I guess it's been a few days since I posted anything. There's really nothing to say at this point. Besides, I am pretty sure that Josh is sitting next to me, being pissed off, for no apparent reason. I love men, they are so fucking easy to read. Yea, like I automatically know why you're pissed. Because, you know, I can totally read your mind, because I am fucking good like that. Pfft. Whatever, he'll get over it. Whatever it is.

We went to sun mountain fun center today, which is basically like a Chuck E Cheese. It was fun, we played ticket games, and had a fun but non winning game of bowling. My brothers girlfriend whomped everyone. She's pretty freaking good at it.

In other news. Caleb's 2nd tooth broke through either this morning or last night. So now my boobers has 2 teeth. They are coming in like crazy. Which is fun. Thankfully he's not too much of a grump.

Well there's my update for today.

Today

We went to a bbq at my Sister in laws house. It was fun, we had good food, great laughs, alcohol, and delicious cheesecake.

We had a bonfire, it was fun. I don't really have much to say. I just feel like rambling.

You know what blows? Tonight, we change the clocks one hour forward. So that means that I will be losing an hour of sleep. That really blows because I have to work in the morning. If I didn't, I wouldn't care. But I do and I do care. I wish they would just do away with DST. It is pointless, I am and have been tempted countless times to move to the part of AZ that doesn't have DST. Booo, time change, you suck!!!!!!!!!!!

3 things I'd like to change about myself

So, on my way to the prison I call work, I was listening to an early morning talk show, you may have heard of it, Kidd Kradic(sp?). They did a segment called, "3 Things I'd like to Change About Myself". So I thought I'd dedicate a post to things I'd like to change about me.

So, here we go.

1. I'd really like to change my body image, physically and mentally. I'm sure you could tell this if you read previous posts. I only mention it, Oh, about every other word or so. I know I can do it. I also know that I do not have the motivation to do it. I can spend the money on a gym membership. In the end I can almost guaruntee that would be a big fat waste of money.

2. After I lose my weight, I'd like to change the way my stomach looks, because god knows I will have skin hangage, which is just unattractive.

3. I'd like to change the way to function as a family. We need to do more fun stuff, instead of being couch potatoes.

So, there you have my deep, dark secrets (not really, but well, you know)

Follow me!

To my whole 3 followers. Thanks for reading this. I know it can be lame and uber boring, but I guess you don't care, because you're still following my blog.

The weather today, cannot make up it's mind. It was so pretty earlier, now I can see the snow clouds rolling in, which completely and utterly blows. I am so done with winter.

You'll see me in the picket line, with all the others boycotting winter. Go away, puh-lease. Snow is pretty, and we need it to fill the lakes, rivers and streams, but god almighty. Why does it have to be COLD. I would rather endure 100+ degrees than subzero temps. Brrrrrrrrr.


Now I am off to warm up, it's getting a bit nipply outside.

things are finally looking up at work

You know how when you had a sucky supervisor, it really sucks! That's how it has been for me since I returned to work in early November. I didn't know what I had gotten myself into at that point, I had never worked with said supervisor before. So I go on my merry way, soon to realize, that this particular supervisor sucks ass, in a big way. I dealt with it for almost 4 months. Thank sweet baby jesus, I don't have her as a supervisor anymore.

My new supervisor, she is wonderful. she takes the time to coach our team and make sure that we can be successful. As we all know, success feels amazing. We have this, club, I guess is the best way to explain it, that you can qualify for every month. It's called elite. I am so close to it I can smell it. I only need to improve my metrics a tid bit to join it. Which is so exciting for me. It makes me feel so good to know that I am so close.

Goodbye shitty supervisor, hello wonderful supervisor.

Pathetic

I think so, why can you call people out and say they are horrible bitches and they thrive on being assholes, when you, my friend, are the one leaving snide comments and horrible mentions on other people blogs. You do this, but you refuse to do this on the actual message board you have decided to menace.

It is cowardice, as you call it, take a long look in the mirror honey. You are the biggest freaking hypocrite of them all. I don't think it's right at all that you are doing this. Obviously, you either got flamed hardcore, and decided that you didn't want to menace under your true screenname, or you are menacing the board under multiple screennames.

Stop your bullshit, you lameass.

I suck at blogging

I have all these stories in my head that I wish I could put on paper (or in type), but I can never put them into words. It really sucks. I see all these bloggers that are amazing, have good story telling skills. I know I have that too, but I just don't know how to utlize my skills.

I'd really love to take a creative writing class, but I haven't found one at our local community college. We shall see though. We shall see.

I don't know

I really don't know, this is a meaningless post, I suppose. Just a post to post I guess. Randomness, it's fun, isn't it?
We're planning a trip to the coast in April. I can't wait. A long weekend. Yippee. We rent a house right on the beach, well not right on, but you can see the beach and it's walking distance. Just down the hill. It's nice and relaxing, too bad it's not a little warmer when we go. April is still a little chilly 'round these parts.

I stareted my new shift at work this week. It's already proving to be better than my last team. I like my senior and I like my coach so far. I can't really say much because I've only been on there team for 2 days.

Caleb is now 8 months old. WOWIE! Where has time disappeared to? I don't know. But my beautiful baby boy is growing up!

I have no motivation

I always think about losing weight, but I can never bring myself to go to the gym to attempt it. I seriously am overweight. I know this, I hate this, but I have no motivation to get off my lazy ass to do something about it. It's kind of a two-faced situation. Where I know I need to do it. I know that I won't be so tired anymore, and feel better about myself, but I am too tired to go do something about it.

It is so easy to go through the drive thru at one of the dozens of fast food resturaunts we have around here. I have been cookinhg more homemade meals and no the boxed crap, i.e, hamburger helper, homesyle bakes kind of stuff.

The other night we have white rice with meatballs cooked in teriyaki sauce with pineapple. That was interesting, to say the least. tonight we will have cubed chicken breast with rice and cream of mushroom soup, slow cooker style. I know I should cut out carbs and sugars and that would help drastically. I really need to get a jogging stroller. So that I can start jogging with the boys. I need to cut out juice and pop, bread. Start eating more veggies and salads. Oye, so many things to do, so little motivation.

can't put it into words

I love to read, why can't I be more creative when it comes to putting my own thoughts into words. Maybe it's because I am afraid no one will like it? I guess the fear of failure hits me in a lot of ways. Or not wanting to sound like an idiot after I have published a post.

I know I have the damn creative bug, I just can't get it to work right. Damn thing doesn't cooperate. I start stuff, then it frustrates the living shit out of me, and I put it away for later. A lot of times I do go finish it at a later date, but there are those times that I don't finish it at all. I know that is a really bad trait to have. I just can't kick it, or in all honesty, I haven't tried to kick it.

We are planning on a night away next month, for J's 27th birthday. We are trying to decide what we want to do. We know we want to stay somewhere overnight. But where or where shall we go..

Can't wait

So, I am usually not excited about shift changes at work, but this time around I am so stoked I can't even tell you. I don't like my coach(supervisor), she is lazy and doesn't do her job well. I don't even see how she got promoted to this position.

We only have 2 short weeks left til I change schedules and teams. YIPPEE!!!!!!

I am ready to move on and be done with her, so ready.

So, I called the dr..

about my never ending cycles, you know what the fucking nurse tells me. Take some ibuprofen for the cramps and call me back next week if it's still happening. W...T...F? is wrong with that picture. Just about every freaking thing.

This pisses me off. I have never ever had problems like this. I really think my IUD is fucking me up.

Shit shit shit.

I wish this would stop

I have pcos. No it's not a known fact by all. I am a pretty private person and people don't need to know what's going on with my lady parts unless I deem it necessary. Anywho, every since I had Caleb. I have been so screwed up, it really sucks. Weird cycles, if you can even call it a cycle. It seems like every time I get pregnant and have a kid, the symptoms get worse after I have given birth.

I hate this shit. I am in pain about 70% of the time from cramps. I don't know what the F my body is doing but it needs to stop, like yesterday. Boo hiss. I guess I just needed to whine and let it be known.

Sookie Stackhouse

I just started reading this series. I lurve it so far. At first I liked Bill. He seemed like a nice guy. Now that I am getting further into the series, he is turning into a big creep. I don't see what sookie see's in him. I know ladies and gents. He is a fictional character, but still.

For now, I like Alcide.

I really think that sookie needs to be with Eric. He seems so much more a fit to her than VB. Because of him, she always get into sticky situations. She is Charlaine Harris's own version on Stephanie Plum. I think so anyways. I have made it to the 4th book. I can't wait to get through the rest of them, but I know I will be disappointed when it's over because I want to read more.

Lazy Sunday

Today, it's lazy, there's nothing else to describe it. I feel like I haven't slept in about a decade. I don't know why I am so tired. I think I lost my caffiene buzz and spiraled down into the bottom of the black hole of sleep deprivation. The funny thing is that my sleep deprivation isn't because I have a 7 month old baby, it's because I have a hard time sticking to a normal sleep routine and I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to go to work.

I can't wait for my shift to change at work. I don't like my coach(supervisor). In my personal opinion she sucks at the job. I haven't hardly had any feedback on how I am doing. If I haven't had that, how the eff am I suppose to improve? There's a lot of people on my team that don't care for her. I think we're all ready to move on and get a fresh start, away from her.

I guess this whole post is random. They are all pretty much random. Maybe I don't update often enough to stick to one subject. Is this suppose to tell me something? Hum, is this a sign? Should I start blogging more. I want to, I know it's a great release. But honestly. I don't feel like I ever have anything important to contribut to the world, or the interwebz.

I love it

So recently, I started reading the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris. I must say that I love it. It's super addicting and easy to read. I can definitely see why everyone loves Eric.
I am only on the 2nd book right now. I am excited to get through the other 7 of them though. I love long series. It just really sucks when they come to an end though.
I would write more but I don't want to spoil anything for anyone that wants to and hasn't read them before.

<3

Damnit

In the midst of moving, I packed away the book I have all my poetry written in. I'm not even sure where to look for it right now. When I do find it. I will definitely put a blog for it.

on a sidenote. I hate moving. Even though I know we will be moving one more time this year. Then hopefully not for a long while after that. this last move was really last minute and kind of unexpected, we literally decided to move and finshed moving within 3 weeks. Holy crap has life been kind of hectic the last month. But we made it, that is all that matters, right?

I will update more soon.

I miss it

So, when I was a teenager, miserably happy. I use to write poetry. I was quite good at it. Then I met J and I lost the will. I don't know if I wrote because it was my only release, because I was lonely and had craptastic parents, or what exactly stemmed my writing abilities. I do know that I miss having that release, no matter how hard I try, I can't do it. My mind isn't in the right place for it I guess.

I am thinking of putting all my poetry in a blog. Just because I don't have it saved anywhere. I don't want to lose it. What if it burnt up in a fire? I would never have them again.

I honestly don't think anyone reads this blog, but it's here, take it or leave it.

A promise to myself

Since 2010 is now amoung us. I have decided to make a promise to myself. Let's just hope that, in the end, it doesn't end up being broke. Because honestly. I have a hard time sticking to anything. This is something I am really going to work at. Give it my all and keep on top of. Is it sad that I can't depend on myself enough to know that I will follow through with it.

Well here it goes. I am promising to myself, that I will save as much money as I can within the next 6 months. I havent evaluated what we will be able to put into savings yet Once I do that. I will develop a master plan and a set dollar amount to have in my bank about by July first. Yes, I know that is the 7th month of the year, but we have some priorities that need to be taken care of before this can happen.

I have always sucked at saving money. We went into this winter with little to no reserve or savings account knowing that J's job would be slowing down. Yes, we've been in some tough spots the last couple of months. But we are now in a better place and position to put money away and be prepared for next winter.

We recently moved, to help us save money. It is a whole hell of a lot cheaper than what we were doing before. This will help us pay down some debt and get back on our feet. Where we will be more comfortable. Digging yourself a financial hole is no fun. Especialy when the reprecussions finally come kick you in the ass. Both J and I have learned our lessons. We are adjusting to living moer frugally and saving money instead of wanting to spend every extra dime we make.

I am excited for the new year. I hope that it brings all of us more luck and fortune.