So, yeah!

I really suck at blogging,I really don't have that interesting of stories to tell. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with this. I am pretty sure I only have 2 people that read it. So that leaves me with, why? I think I keep it around for an outlet. Somewhere to complain. I honestly couldn't tell you. But that's alright. It's like a public journal I don't have to worry about anyone reading. Which has it's ups and downs. I can say anything, but who's here to read it?

I can't believe that 2009 is almost over. Just 3 short days in this year. Then 2010 brings a whole new year. A time to get back on track, figure things out. Put some money back into savings. We've had quite the financial struggle this past year. We always survived, even if not by much. We're all still alive and kicking. That is what matters most.

My boys are all wonderful. Wyatt is getting bigger and smarter everyday. He likes to test us. He is 3 afterall. Caleb is getting huge and he is the super cute stage where he plays, laughs and is almost crawling. I can't beleive it. Not too much longer.

So I leave with this. Just a little update I suppose

Remembering the last year

since 2009 is almost over, I figured I would do the obligatory remembrence post.

The things I appreciate that have happened over the last year, first off. In February, I met my very best friend becca, 2nd I gave birth to my son in June, August my Wyatt turned 3 and we also celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. I would say it has been a decent year. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but who doesn't?

The down falls, 5 amazing women I "know", lost their babies. All too soon, it has been extremely heart breaking to see these wonderful, beautiful amazing women suffer through the loss of a child. I hope that I am never put in that position. I can't say that I ever will be but I know I don't want to be. I respect each one of them with my entire being. I don't know if I could hold the composure and strength they do.

I know that 2010 brings some luck, maybe a little bit of fortune. We shall see though. Maybe I should pick up a couple of powerball tix.

Nook vs. Kindle. The faceoff begins.

So I have the option for instant grafitication of getting the kindle now, or waiting until Feb 1st when the Nook will ship again. Both are E-Readers. I love love love to read. It is my favoritest thing to do ever. It is my relaxation, my escape from reality. Why not have one little tiny machine instead of having books lying around, all over the place.

This is one of my many dilemmas right now. First, is the fact that I need to get off my arse and pack some more. MOVING.SUCKS.

thankful

Be thankful for what you have, for who you have in your life. Unexpected things happen everyday. So are extraordinary and some sorrowful.

I sit here and think about my boys, I am so lucky to have the babies that I do. Even though they test me on a daily basis. somedays even make me want to rip my hair about. Regardless I love them both dearly.

I am in constant thought of baby Jillian and her mom and dad. They are all so strong. Baby Jillian was born at 24 weeks due to premature rupture of membranes, which basically means moms water broke. She is doing ok, has her ups and downs. She was just born a couple of days ago. Jillian mom and dad have a long road ahead of them.

If you pray, leave room for them, if not, please keep them in your thoughts.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is a day to reflect, to remember and enjoy what you ae thankful for.

So here I decided to write a post about it.. What am I thankful for?
I am thankful for my family. My boys are the most precious things in my life. My husband,he's the most important person in my life. Without him I wouldn't have anything I do today. I wouldn't have Wyatt or Caleb to bless my life. I wouldn't have the home I do. I wouldn't have the most wonderful inlaws. I have to think I am pretty damn lucky.

Family is here to help when you are in need. Family is there for support. Which is something we have a lot of around here.

Again, have a happy turkey day, remember to be thankful for what and who you have in your lives.

If she can do it, I can do it

One wonders, how on earth a stay at home mom becomes an over night sensation? Write a book about sparkling vampires, that's how.
Stephanie Meyer hadn't written as much as a short story before she created the epic story of Twilight. It makes me wonder if I have it in me. Sure I have interesting dreams every night. Nothing quite as compelling as Twilight, but I'm sure I could find something. Even if something that happened in my life inspired me, because god knows I've had enough expereiences to come up with something.

this month is National Novel Writing Month. Maybe I should attempt to partake in this adventure. We shall see..

OPT (operation potty training) Commence

So, today of all days, Wyatt decided he wanted to poop in the toilet. Yippee. How exciting for us. We called Grandma and I let him tell her what he did. I know it secretly makes him feel good for us to get excited over him pooping. I am hoping that by the first of the year he will be day training and won't need diapers at all. He goes in and pee's whenever he needs to. Which is HUGE. I am so happy for my kid. He's doing so good with this. We've been letting him wear big boy underwear for the past couple days and guess what, it's working. I tell him he can be a big boy and go potty in the toilet, just like cousins payt and chase.

He likes that idea.

Being sick sucks

Well, I don't have a confirmed case, but the dr's think that I've got the H1N1 virus. I feel like hell, even though I do feel a bit better today. It still doesn't feel good. My fever keeps spiking, but oh well, what can I do? Not a whole lot. Thankfully, between my mom and mother in law, we've got the boys covered. This is the last thing I want to infect them with. The body aches, headaches, chills, sore throat, runny nose and aching chest SUCK!
It makes me sad and angry that I got this virus this week, of all weeks. My grandma, who I see maybe once every year or two, is in town from Arizona. My cousins, who I haven't seen in I don't know how long will be here later this week. We are having an early Thanksgiving, if I am not better. I miss out.
I am pissed at the person who got me sick, because she willingly left the house, knowing she might have H1N1, to infect me and possibly 2-3 other people. Why on earth do you go somewhere sick? Do you have no common sense. Oh maybe I should stay home. She thought she had bronchitus, but still. Oh well. My fever comes and goes. Hopefully it's gone be thursday.

He can roll if he wants too!

You say, who can roll? Caleb, that's who! Last night we layed the sleepy, cute little munchkin on his back at all bed time. This morning, we find munchkin sleeping happily on his tummy! Then I brought him out to the living room, layed in on the floor for a couple minutes, while I made his bottle. What do I see him do? Roll from his back to his belly! Yay, I finally saw a first. So exciting. He will be crawling and mobile before I know. I'm in trouble now! Rut Roh!

Acceptance

It is one thing to feel accepted by a group of people, but feel like no one notices you at all. To crave that feeling of friends and support. knowing that someone is there for you no matter what you have going on in life.

It's been a long time since I've been accepted, I wish I was accepted by more people. I don't see that happening in the near future. Is it sad to say that I really only have one friend that cares enough to spend the day with me? Well at least one that's close enough to spend the day with me. I appreciate her more than anyone can know. Even if we just sit there and talk about nothing. She's still spending the day with me, that is what I love

I don't know what's happened in the last few years, but I have seemed to push away all of my friends. I don't know if it has happened because of the anti-social man I married that likes to do nothing more than sit on his ass and be obsessed with the TV, or if I have become just like him.

I am constantly exhausted, I have the excuse of an infant and a toddler, but they can't always be the blame. It's because all I do is sit on my fatass and watch TV. I have hardly any physical activities. I don't because I am always exhausted. that's just the way it is. I know there are things I can do about it, but the motivation just isn't there. Not one fucking bit. I don't have the support I need to get out and do things. I need someone there to kick my ass and make me get up and do it.

Happy

Happy, could it explain what I am? Maybe. Well, actually yes. I am happy that I have a friend to hang out with again. Someone to call my BFF. Someone I can talk to about pretty much anything. It has been such a long time since I've had this. It feels great. Euphoric. I just wanted to express this. The end!

Purging of the clothes

I guess there is a time in everyones life, where you just have to do it. To go through the dreaded closet and drawers to get rid of clothes that are worn out and don't fit anymore. also, most likely will never fit again.
I really need to do this, but I am afraid that when all is said and done, I will have 2 pair of jeans and about 5 shirts that really fit me. It will make reality hit me hard, that yes, I am a fatass and everyone else knows it but me.

There is also a time when enough is enough, and I have to start eating healthier and working out again. It is so hard to change your diet when this one is all you've known for, I don't know how long. I must do it, for my health, for my children and for my husband. so that I can stop downing myself and finally, for once in a very long time. Feel good about myself. It has been a long time since I have felt good about myself. In all truth, it has been about 10 years. The last time I felt good about myself is when I was 15 years old. When I was in shape and thin(ner) than I am now.

so i am making a promise to myself that I will go through and purge clothes and that I will get my ass back on track, and get in shape again.

The Pumpkin Patch

Every year, around Halloween we have a local ranch that opens it pumpkin patch (well they get pumpkins shipped in from somewhere else). Today, we went for visit with the boys. There's a few things to do, mainly just a little petting zoo and hay rides. and of course, the pumpkin patch. We went just to go somewhere. Took Wyatt in the petting zoo, which he loved. They give you an ice cream cone filled with grain for the animals. Which the animals attack you for. One of the calfs stole Wyatt's ice cream cone right out of his hand.

Have you ever let a cow lick your hand? It is amazingly....disgusting. Their tounges feel like a wet sandpaper. I did this for the first time today. It was unpleasant, to say the least. This cow was gigantic. But he was cute.

I love fall, except for the cold weather, but the foilage is beautiful. I really don't like raking the leaves up the next spring either, because we got about 10 trees in our tiny but big for the suburbs backyard.
I need to update this blog more often, but I haven't got anything to talk about half the time.

gotta love my little boy

Even when he wakes up at 130 in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Then decides to stay awake til 430am. Yes, this was Caleb and I last night, I fed him at 130, put him back to bed, he then commences the sqeauling, which I am surprised didn't wake up his big brother. He was laughing, jibber jabbering non sense, as happy as can be. I have to say I am glad he was a happy baby awake for 3 hours in the middle of the night.

Happy 4 Month Birthday

I can't believe you're 4 months old already. It doesn't seem possible. I love you with all my heart, as well as big brother and daddy. They love you too. You are an amazing little boy, my heart swells with joy everytime you smile at me. When you look right at me and make your little coo baby noises, like we're having a conversation. Your laugh melts my heart.
Just know that you are so loved, by everyone. I wouldn't trade you for anything. I am so blessed to have you and Wyatt.
These last 4 months have been hard but absolutely amazing.

Where have the last 17 weeks went?

I cannot believe that Caleb is almost 4 months old. Monday marks that day. It's amazing, he's amazing. I love him so much. I love when he smiles, coo's and just chatters. I love when he smiles at Wyatt, he loves his big brother. Even though big brother is a little too rough with him quite frequently.

My boys are amazing. Both of them. I think Wyatt will be a football player and Caleb a basketball player. I am banking on both of them to be my retirement lol. NFL and NBA here we come. The Yourston brothers are going to take them by storm. Talk about getting your socks knocked off.

Caleb has his 4m appointment on the 20th, I will update his stats at that time.

Dear Daddy

Almost 11 years ago, your life was taken away in an instant. Who's fault was it, nobody but yours! You made the decisions to drink and do drugs. In fact, you made those decisions over raising your children. How could you let them overcome you the way you did? How could you have been so selfish to let this happen? I understand that addiction is a powerful thing, but you made the choice to try it, to become addicted. It's nobodies fault but yours!


Yes, I miss you and love you, but will I ever forgive you for stealing you away from me, probably not. Maybe years down the road I finally have a little bit of closure. But not right now. Even though you've been gone for over a decade. You have missed out on so much in my life, in our lives. Seeing me graduate from high school, walk me down the aisle when I got married. Most of all you stole the chance to get to know you away from your grandsons.

It breaks my heart to know and realize that they won't have a chance to know you, that you will miss out on everything important in their lives. Because you were selfish.

It breaks my heart that I don't have any fond memories of you, because you were always consumed in something more important than me. Or my brother. I wish we could do it over again, that I could have the father I always wanted. I often wonder how life would have been if you'd been here 100% of the time. Would I be different? Would I be the same? Where would I be in my life. I don't know. One thing I can say that I am grateful for it the fact that because you were selfish, I have my husband and my sons. They are my world, my shining light, they are the reason I get out of bed every morning. Thanks to you, I have the life I hoped I would have as a teenager. One with love and security, one that I don't have to worry in. Because with you, I always worried, would I have a meal that day? Or would we be homeless the next week? Would I end up in foster care? I know it came amazingly close to foster care, a couple of times.

I know that thankfully, we had family close that was paying attention, and got Jeremy and I out of a bad situation about to get worse. Thankfully they called the right people, just shortly after that we were whisked away to live with mom, where the situation got better, but not fantastic.

If I had the chance to see you again, I would want all my questions answered, truthfully. But as I know that will not happen. I guess I am left wondering for the rest of my life, what would have been?

Aaaalllll Aboard! Pity Train, Party of 1

These next couple of weeks are a very emotional time for me, every year, since I was 14 years old. I will post another blog when the time is right, and explain.

I don't know what to think, what to say, merely what to do. I am lost in a sea of confusion. There's things that I need, want, but know won't be coming my way in the near future.
Sometimes it's just not fair, I know that I just have to deal.
I don't want to go back to work at the end of next month. I want to stay home with Wyatt and Caleb. But that just isn't feasible. I know this in my head, but not in my heart. It would put a huge financial strain on us, which we just can't do right now. I have health and dental benefits throuh my job, which are A-Mazing. Plus, our cell phones are uber cheap. If I quit, I would lose all of this. Which is not smart, actually is pretty stupid. So i know I will be going back to work based solely on this reason alone.

Pooh, I'll get over it, eventually. Thanks for reading my nonsense

the last 3 weeks

Well they've been kind of a whirl wind. There's been a lot of family drama. Drama that I never intended to get in the middle of. But it happened. It's pretty much over, but still looming in the air. Thankfully the grunt of it is over. But oh well, shit happens. Everyone will get over it. I don't want to mention the goings on of our drama just in case someone finds my blog that isn't suppose to. That is that.

Caleb, my sweet little, tiny, perfect baby, has turned 11 weeks old. I love him so much. He's my all, my shinig light. Wyatt, who everday, is growing up way to quickly. His grammar and vocabulary improves on an hourly basis. He is my sunshine. Sometimes he is the toddler that throws a tantrum. But he is my love. I am grateful for him, for having my boys. I love them with all my being and don't know where i'd be without either of them.

But there's my mush for the week.

Gone huntin

Tomorrow morning, Josh, Wyatt Caleb and I are all headed on a 3 hour road trip to go to Post, Oregon. Where we will be huntin' for Thundereggs. It should be a fun filled day. Wyatt is such a boy and loves doing these kinds of things, especially getting dirty. I am excited as I have never went thunderegg hunting before. Is it sad that I had to google a thunderegg to see what they even look like?

I will post pictures tomorrow upon our return home. Wish us luck!

5 years ago yesterday

I married my best friend. I can't believe how amazing these last 5 years have been. Yes, he gets on my nerves on a regular basis. but you know, he wouldn't be him if he didn't. I love him for that. I love him for his generousity and heart. He is a wonderful husband and an even better father. I love seeing him react with the boys. They love him so much, he loves them even more.

Of course we all go through tough times, but that is what keeps the glue strong. Marriage is by far not an easy thing. It has ups and downs. But whatever happens, I know we can make it for the next 5 years, well hell the next 10 years. I hope that we are still as strong then as we are now.

My husband, my love. You are my everything, thank you for giving me the life I have now. Thank you for the children we've made. They are more precious than anything that could have been bought.

Why?

My faith in you in hanging by a thread. Why have you done this to so many great women? Women who don't deserve to lose a child that should have been in their arms. That should have continuted in the womb for another 5 months. My heart aches. It has shattered into 10 million pieces for the sorrow that I feel for them. No woman should have to suffer the lose of a child. Even if that child was still in womb.

In the past month there has been so much heart ache, so much tragedy. I just don't know how to explain it. I don't know if the faith I have lost in you will ever be recoverable. I hope I don't have to see this for a long time again. If at all again.

Tale of the rings

Once upon a time, many many months ago, L had taken her weddings rings off. Because her fingers were growing steadily to the size of sausages, soaked for 3 days. So she put them in a safe place, where she was sure she wouldn't forget where they were.

Fast forward to about a month ago, where she started wondering, hey I haven't seen my wedding rings for a while. So she starts thinking of the last place she saw them, on the kitchen counter. Where it is no where to be seen. So she starts searching frantically. Thinking she threw them away. The trashcan is the first place she looks. Nothing!, then the closets. Still nothing. Now disappointed that she lost her wedding rings, she feels like an ass for losing something worth a small fortune. Failure sets in.

Fast forward to present day. L goes on a mini shopping spree, where she gets an awesome deal on a new wallet and some completely awesome new sunglasses. When L gets home, she decides to clean out her old wallet, and fill up the new one with all her prized possessions. Well, she goes about doing her business. Get everything cleaned out of the old wallet and remember, this wallet has a change zipper, better check it! Well to L's surprise, she opens this magical change pocket, and ta da, there are her weddings rings.

Moral, don't put your rings in stupid places, like the change zipper of your wallet! Especially while pregnant!

Dad and his boys

Watching You lyrics
Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now where did you learn to talk like that
[Chorus one]
He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo,
I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's scooby doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to god like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that
[Chorus two]
He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you
[Bridge]
With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do
[Chorus three]
Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you

This song reminds me of them everyday. Josh loves the boys so much. He's such a good dad. I couldn't ask for anything more than that. He plays with them. Helps me changed diapers and even gets up for midnight feedings and lets me sleep. Which I appreciate more than anything. I am thankful that he does get up and help, because I know a lot of women aren't as fortunate as I am and their husbands don't get up to help.

Be thankful for what you have, and who you've got in your life. They won't be there forever.

The last 3 years

They have been, well, amazing. I love my Wyatt so much. I can't imagine life without him. We had a rough start, but all is well now. I am so glad that he recovered from his birth. It wasn't that great. He was born with an issue with his epiglotus. Where he couldn't breathe very well. Thankfully it turned around in just under a week and he came home after 6 days in the NICU. But now he's a very very energetic 3 year old. He is growing by leaps and bounds. My 3 year old looks like he just turned 4 or 5 years old. He's huge. Weighs at least 40lbs and is at lest 39-40inches tall. We get comments on how big he is all the time. People don't realize that he's only 3. But that's ok. I love him anyways.

I miss friends

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lindsey, who had a ton of friends. Then she became a hermit and her friends disappeared....

I don't know what has happened over the last 7-8 years. But I really don't have any good close friends anymore. I hate it. I don't have any girlfriends to go out with, just have fun with. I am so sad that I don't have this conenction with anyone. All the people I know aren't on the same page as me. They are married, but don't have kids. Or are too busy to get together.

I miss having someone to spend time with other than my husband. Sometimes I count on this for my own sanity. I need it, sometimes I crave it. But there's nothing I can do because I don't even know where to start. I don't know where to find friends. I have lived in this place for almost 8 years. I still don't know a lot of people. But what can I do? Try. But where to start is my biggest issue at hand.

My heart breaks for an internet stranger

The message board I frequent is tragic this morning. As we all find out that she, the internet stranger, gave birth to her daughter on Friday, July 31st. At the young age of 22weeks gestation. The poor baby didn't have a chance as a baby can't live outside the womb before 24 weeks. My heart breaks, I sat there in tears reading the update we all waited so patiently for. It wasn't the one we were hoping to read, actually the one we all feared. We hadn't heard from her in over a week. Last we knew she'd been admitted to Labor and Delivery. Her daughter passed away after just an hour of life. God I feel so terrible for them. I can't even describe it. There are no words to express what I feel for them.

Just know that she will stay in my thoughts, I hope that she and her husband heal well. It is going to be a long journey ahead for both of them.

It's been a while

So Caleb is now 5 weeks old. I can't believe it. He's growing so fast and getting cuter by the minute. I love him so much. My little Wyatt isn't so little anymore. He's turning 3, next Wednesday, the 5th of August.

Caleb goes in for his 6/8 week dr's appointment on the 10th of August. Where I am pretty sure he'll get shots. Sad. I hate when they get shots. Hopefully he'll be a trooper like big brother was. And calm down pretty quick. We shall see though.

Well I am getting my new cell phone today. I am actually waiting, impatiently for UPS to deliver it lol. I am going to see Jake Owen on Wednesday with my good friend Becca, and then Lady Antebellum on Friday. Busy busy week. Plus I have a shitload of cleaning to do this week.

Well I will update more later.

Out and about

Today, my mom came and stole Wyatt for the night! Yeah! So after they left, Caleb and I got ready for an outing. We went to work to see a couple people. We had lunch with Auntie Becca. Which was nice. She's one of my greatest friends. And we went and saw my old supervisor. Too bad she had a meeting to go to.

Then we went to my old work. I had to show him off to all the people I use to work with. Which was awesome. They love him. He kept on farting all over everyone. But oh well. No one minds. He has a party in his pants all the time lol. Well farting parties anyways. It was fun, we had fun.

My Touch

This is my new obsession. T-Mobile My Touch by Google. I have the order ready to be put through, then I think, oh yes, I have a husband that I have to ask to do every little thing first. It makes me feel like a child. Worthless, like he's my father. I feel like I can't make a decision for myself. EVER! I am a grown woman. I work, I make money too. albeit I am on maternity leave right now. But that's a moot point.

It's completely touchscreen, has 3g capabilities, and a program called Sherpa. Which learns your styles and soon recognizes your patterns. Ex. If you like Italian food, it remembers that and starts showing you all the eateries that are italian in your current area. Which I think is awesome. And it has tons of applications you can download. It is a competitor of the IPhone. As it sounds extremely similar.

Oh well. I work for T-Mobile. So I get to order this phone and get it before customers do. So as I think about just pushing that damn upgrade now button sitting patiently on another browser page, I remember that I don't want to start shit with my hubz. Bah!

Photo Shoot

This morning I took Caleb for his newborn shoot! He was such a good boy. I was surprised. But thankful. The only thing that was a slight mishap was the giant sized spit up he did. Good thing our photog used to run a daycare for she didn't mind. She loved him. Other than that I am impatiently waiting for her to edit pics so I can see them all. There's a couple really good ones that I've had a taste of so far. I am extremely impressed by her pics so far. I can't wait to see them all! Yeah!

random.. I like being random

So, since it's 345am and I can't sleep, I will be random.
Well not really random. There's not much on TV at 345 in the morning. But oh well. I'm watching mtv music videos. So that's when they show them all? In the middle of the effin night. MTV has turned into the channel of horrid reality tv shows. Like parental control, next, and all the real world type shows. They do have the AMTV now but I swear they show the same lame videos every morning.

I am going to watch Jake Owen and Lady Antebellum at the end of the month. Got free tix for the County Fair. We don't get bigish artists here very often so it's fun. I haven't been to a concert since I was 14 or 15. That was 10 years ago. Almost 11. That makes me feel old. The person I saw in concert is now a has been. Bryan White, anyone heard of him now? I haven't in years. I'm excited. I am going with my new good friend Becca. Because hubs is a butthead and doesn't want to go. But it'll give me some fun time. I don't get to have funtime that often. But it's ok. I have my boys. I stay home for the most part and enjoy them.

Well I really should try to sleep. Tomorrow isn't going to be fun. Nighty night!

My life has changed forever

With Caleb here, life has been a little bit hectic. I must admit. But he is so worth it. I love him so much. Wyatt seems to be ok with him around. I've been a little bit edgy lately. Which makes me feel like a horrible mom. Wyatt got in trouble last night and got a spanking from Daddy and I cried because I felt so horrible. I know my hormones are going nuts because I just gave birth. But still, it's driving me nuts. When I cried I bawled. Josh tried to tell me it was ok, but I wouldn't have any of it.

I know going from one to two kids is an adjustment in its self. But I never expected it to be this much of an adjustment. It'll get better with time. When I am healed from the c section and can move around comfortably.

All in all, my boys make my heart smile. I am so blessed to have them both, here and healthy. Caleb is amazing already. Wyatt amazes me more and more everyday. He is my pride and joy. Even though he can be a booger at times. I still love him, and cherish him. He loves his little brother. And little brother loves him. Even though I believe Caleb has learned to give Wyatt the side eye already lol.

Home

It feels so good to be home. We had a bit of a hectic day. We got released from the hospital about noonish today. Went to go fill my prescriptions for pain meds. When we got to the pharmacy they realized the dr who did our scripts gave us outdated ones. They were actually dated from August 2006. Which is from when Wyatt was born. So we ended up having to go back to the hospital, wait at the hospital for almost 30 minutes because the dr wasn't there. And then drive all the way back home to fill the prescriptions. Thankfully everything got fixed and I am a happy camper. We are all doing well. So in love with Caleb. He is a good baby. So content. He likes to eat alot. But that's alright with me lol. Doesn't cry alot and he's always busy sleeping. But I think we'll keep him.

T- 72 Hours

So exactly 72 hours from now I will be being wheeled into the OR to have this lil guy. I am nervous, excited, happy, scared. All these different emotions running through me at once. I can't believe I am going to be a mom again. I can't believe Wyatt is going to be a big brother. I am sure he'll be a great one too.

It's kind of bittersweet. It feels like it has taken forever to get thru the last 9 months, but it also feels like it has gone by so freaking fast at the same time. But all in all we are excited to meet him, we are excited to introuduce our son to everyone. The most exciting part is that we get to introduce him with his name, that no one knows. Woot woot.!

T- 11 days

I can't believe I only have 11 days til he's born. I am getting so so so excited to have him here. Even though 11 days isnt that far away. It honestly still feels like an eternity away. I have my, you read it first, LAST dr's appointment on Friday before lil man is born. Oye. So scary. lol.

We have to figure out who's taking Wyatt what days, we have it split between my mom and Josh's mom. Because I am having a c section I will be in hospital at least 3-4 days. Oh so close. Things are coming down to the wire. I can't wait! LOL

15 days til D-Day

I can't believe our baby boy will be here in a little more than 2 weeks. It feels so surreal. It feels like this pregnancy has lasted forever but gone by so fast. Which is good and bad. We still have a ton of things to do before babe comes. I really need a swing for him to sit in. We have a boucer. I had a swing once. But let someone borrow it and now it's thrashed. Well I actually probably won't ever see it again. But oh well. I will find one. I actually found a really cute one at walmart, my mom is suppose to take me shopping. not something i asked for. It's something she wants to do. Maybe I can get her to buy it for me lol.
Anywho. I will update again soon.

Oh my

Yesterday our family threw us a baby shower. It was nice. Got some cute clothes and a few packs of diapers. Which is awesome.
But the oh my part of this post is, I cannot flipping stand my father in laws wife. She's drives me insane to no end. And it's really for no reason at all. I just get easily irritated by her. She talks waaay more than a normal person should and she tells us the same stories everytime we see her. Bah! It's not just like this because I am 9months pregnant and irritable. I don't like her when I'm not pregnant either. It's just intensified right now. Ergh. She tries to pull these old wives tales on me all the time to tell the sex of the baby, but duh woman! We already know its a boy. And there's no doubt about it. It's been confirmed multiple times. If this one came out a girl. I would say someone shoved a new baby up my vag because there is no indication of girl in there at all.

I just had to get that off my chest. I am better now. Kthxbai

36 week ultrasound

Well, I had my last ultrasound before the babe is born. He is estimated to weigh about 6lbs right now. Which makes me happy. I may not be giving birth to a toddler after all. But I know that it is hard to get accurate measurements when he is this big and that the weight can go a pound either way. It seems that he has a ton of hair(yay for not bald babies, I love babies with tons of hair!)

I'm getting super excited to have him. Besides the pain I've been in the last few days, everything is going good. The babe is definitely dropped. But he is super long. So I still can't completely breathe. Little booger. But oh well. Only 21 days til he's born!!! Unless I go into labour or my water breaks. Come on babe. Get out NOW!!! lol

We have a birthdate!

Well my c section is scheduled for Friday, June 19th, 2009. I have to be at the hospital at 730am and then 830 is when the action starts. I can't wait to meet him. I am ready to be done. I am pretty uncomfortable and frankly feel like a whale on 2 feet lol. Thank goodness there is an end in sight. That date shouldn't change at all, The only way it would is if my water breaks or I go into labor. Which I would welcome lol. Anything to get this kid out. I still have about a week and a half til I hit full term. I will keep this updated pretty randomly. I try at least once a week.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

With work that is. As of yesterday, I am now on maternity leave until octoberish. Woot! I am so excited. Its kind of bittersweet though. I will miss having to go to work everyday, but not having to work lol. But thats ok. Give it a few weeks and I'll have my little booger to keep me busy. Well besides Wyatt, he's pretty independant. As much as a 3 yr old can be anyways. Work threw me a last minute baby shower. It was intertwined with a meeting. Which is awesome. I love my team and will be sad to come back to a different one. We will be going thru a realignment at work while I am gone so I will be coming back to possibly a different coach and totally different team. Well I will keep progress updates.

Friends/ hubs vent

Friends are good to have. Whether they are close or far away. Someone to lean on, vent about a horrible day in general, and someone to cry to when things aren't going as planned. Recently. I have acquired a new friend. Someone that I can relate to on so many levels. I appreciate her so much and am glad to have her in my life. Before now, alot of my friends have either moved on to different stages in their lives or moved far far away. I love having the relationship with someone that you can talk about whatever with.

I mean my hubby is my best friend. But it's not the same as having a great girlfriend. He understands some stuff but still doesn't understand a lot. Like I feel he is the most unsensitive person in the world right now. He doesn't understand that I hurt and that I am uncomfortable. I still have 7ish weeks to go with this pregnancy. It's only going to get worse in the coming weeks. The only time he'll stop and think about anything is when I am lying there, crying like a baby because I hurt. It hurts my pregnant feelings because I feel like he doesn't understand and never takes the time to try. I guess this is turning more into a hubs vent then about friends lol.

But oh well. It makes me feel better to get these things out there. Now if only I could get him to realize this. Life would be grand.

Work

I am currently going through some technical training for troubleshooting. It's kind of boring. But extremely nice. For one, No Phone Time! Which makes me super excited. For two. It also gives time for us to get to know eachother. There is 8 ppl in the class with us. 4 of them are from my team alone. Nice bonding time. I found out alot of information about my teammates I didn't know before. Which makes me happy. I think I only have 2.5ish weeks left of work. Woot! Ok I don't have anything else to say. Night night all!

Dear Hubs

Can you freaking care less that your pregnant wife, is lying in bed next to you crying? Because she's in horrible pain and can't move? I don't think you can! That is how I felt last night. Lying there, tears streaming out my eyes. You don't even recognize that I hurt and your dumbass keeps asking me I want to have sex? Fuck no I don't want to have sex. You freaking idiot. I was beyond pissed for a while after he finally got the effing clue. Thankfully I passed out from exhaustion. And slept ok, but not great. I feel like he has no sympathy at all for me. LO was kicking me in my freaking cervix and OMFG that hurts like a mother. Plus that I serious back pain and a flare up of round ligament pain. OK. I am going to let my whine/vent stop for now. But geez Hubs get there freakin clue sooner next time and leave me alone.

Listen here body

Please, I am begging you to let me freaking sleep. I am so tired, exhausted and emotional because you decide to play insomniac 4 out of the 7 days per week. Dammit. I know you are trying to prepare me for when baby boy is born. But this has gone way too far. I mean, I know that lil mr may keep me up at night, but I don't think he will be nearly as horrible as you are treating me right now. I hope that he sleeps as well as big brother did when he was a newborn. That is all I ask, is that too much for you too cooperate with me? I really hate having to depend on taking Tylenol PM to sleep at night. FU body, FU!!!

So it's been a while

I know, I know. I am so super lazy. But I honestly havent' felt like updating. Til today. I ordered a quilt to xstitch for lil man. It's going to take FOREVER. But I will finish it. I won't give up because it's frustrating the living crap out of me. It's super cute. I lurve it.

Not a whole lot is going on thats new. I al 31.5 weeks now. Holy shit only 8 weeks to go. Maybe. I can't wait til he's born. I am ready to meet him and take on the adventure of being a mom of 2. I admit I might be bald for the first few months with both of my boys. But you know what? It's hair. It grows back! Amazing I know. Who would have thought?

I am really contemplating asking my doctor to give me an excuse to get out of work at about 36-37 weeks. I am so overly exhausted. Working 10 hour days really sucksass when you're pregnant. Even though I know ppl do it everyday. I just can't. I don't have the drive. lol. If I didn't need to work. I wouldn't. I probably wouldn't have to work if we'd learn to budget a little better. We do good for a little while. Then screw it up all over again. We've finally cut up our cc's and stopped using them. They are finally going down. Thank goodness. That is where we were the dumbest. In my honest opinion. But it will go away with time. We're on a good track. Digging ourselves out of the whole of debt we've dug for ourselves. Which feels nice. We have decided anything we want to buy. We save for a couple months and pay cash for. No more using credit lines. The only feasible one I will keep is our bestbuy account. Because they always have no interest for 18 months. Which I know we can pay off well before that hits.

Well I am done for today. I will update and finish my most interestingly boring update at another time lol

Oh fun!

So I had my 28 week appointment this morning. Where it was confirmed that I do in fact have gestational diabetes. Which sucks ass. But I'll deal accordingly. I have an appointment with a GD nurse tomorrow morning at 9am. She's going to teach me how to use my glucoma monitor and how to "take care" of myself. We'll see how this goes.

This is going to be a huge transition for me. I am happily taking on the life style change. Because I need to for my own health. Even after baby boy comes. Because of the PCOS it will be better for me even after he's born to keep my diet and exercise regimen. Well the excercise isn't so much rihgt now but after he's born. When I get the clear to start working out again. I am so going to. I know I need to lose weight. I know I would feel 10 mil times better if I did. But that's the update for today. I will update again tomorrow after my appointment. Or after work. I don't know yet.

Welcome to the 3rd Trimester

Oh boy. Here we go. I hit the 3rd trimester of pregnancy this week. I am expecting aches pains and things I don't want. But I know there is an end in sight. Only 12-13 weeks left of pregnancy. I am trying to get out of work at 36 weeks. So that I have time to think and rest. Make sure that I have as much energy saved up as possible for when baby boy is born. Its going to be a major transition going from one to two kids. I don't know how Wyatt is going to react to his little brother. I am assuming everything will go as planned but you never know. We shall see. Not too long to go.!!

Double Digits

Holy shit, I just realized that I only have 98 days left til baby boy comes. In all honesty it will be less days than this. But still. I have a little over 3 months left. WOW! Where has time gone. I can't believe I am going to be a mom for the second time. I just can't fathom it still. I don't think it will be completely real until I have him in my arms.

We are having another ultrasound done tomorrow. My OB wants them done once a month til he's born. For the only reasons I can think of is growth patterns. But its really to make sure that my fluids stay up. I'm excited to see how big he's getting. He should be well over a pound by now. I will attempt to post pics on here. But can't guaruntee it.

23 weeks

Only 16wks 6 days left til he's here. Well I assume it will be sooner because of the c/s. But anyways. It still gives me a timeline to count down. I am looking forward to maternity leave because I need a break from the craziness at work. I am planning on taking as much time as possible off. I want to have a week or so with wyatt before this one's born, so that we have some quality time together and I have time to rest before my life becomes extremely insane lol. Well that is all the mental energy i have for the night. TTYL

Happy Valentines Day

So here we are, Valentines day 2009. This will be our 6th one spent together. I cant believe that Josh and I have been together for almost 7 years. We'll be married for 5 this coming august. Which is also amazing to me. But anyways. We did our dinner yesterday, so that we didn't have to deal with the crowds tonight. We slept in this morning which was great. Wyatt even let us sleep in til 9am this morning. Woot! I am glad he sleeps so well. I am hoping that Baby Who will do the same. I am curious to see if he'll have as much hair as his big brother at birth or if he'll be completely bald. I guess we'll jsut have to wait and see. I am 21.5 weeks pregnant. So this means that I only have 18.5 weeks left. I plan on scheduling my c section with my next dr's appointment. So we'll know when Baby Who is going to be born.

Now some may think this elective c section is a stupid idea. But there is a truth behind it. I cannot give birth to a child larger than 8lbs. I have a deformed pelvis and it is super small. So I don't want to put myself through the pain of labor again just have it fail, again. Wyatts head was too big to come down and therefore got stuck. That would be why I didn't progress from 5cm for almost 19 hours.

Oh baby, you have a name

Those of us who need to know what it is do. But that only includes the hub and I. I will not post it here in fear of ruining the surprise with family. But it's exciting. I love his name and am glad that we came across it. It's nice to have something so soon. Well we had Wyatt's name picked out before we knew he was a boy. I just like to be prepared. this time around we are using one of my family names. Which is awesome. I am thrilled to have a secret from our families. This is going to be torture, on both ends lol. Because I know they will not respect that we chose to keep his name a secret. We will get drilled everytime we see them. But I will stand my ground and not tell a soul what his name is because I would like something to be a surprise. I almost thought about keeping the sex a secret. But decided to share that with everyone. I have a doctors appointment on Friday. Which is exciting. I will update again after then.

TTFN

maternity clothes nightmare

I went shopping today for some more shirts. Stupid me didn't try them on. Only 2 of them kind of fit. I think they will only be comfortable for a few more weeks though. So so lame. Why didn't I try them on? I am pissed at myself. At least the jammies pants and sweater I got fit ok. Alrighgt I'm done whining now.

Oye

Work is a wonderous thing. Somedays, my job is fantastic, somedays I really want to tell them to shove it and leave. Being on the phone all day long blows. I really love to get off the phones for meetings and trainings. Which tomorrow morning I do get. Woohoo. I get to be off the phone for half a day. Yes!! That makes me really really really happy. OK I admit this post is completely random but I just felt the need to be random. Anywho. I will stop jabbering now. Blah blah blah

Well hello there mister

We learned yesterday morning that we are welcoming another boy into the Yourston clan. Now keep in mind everyone and their mom wanted a girl. Including me, from time to time. I have to admit that I secretly new it would be a boy because I have found it impossible for the Yourston men to produce a female. We have all boys! That's right. ALL BOYS! If this one had been a girl, she would have been the most spoiled little girl on planet earth. But I am happy with another son. At least he won't be left out in the cold by all brother and all his cousins. I feel that a girl would have been an outcast. I don't think any of my nephews, or my son at that would have known what to do with a girl lol. Either way, we are excited that he's a healthy little booger.

The ultrasouns, it was an expereince. Needless to say. I love seeing the baby, but I do not enjoy the ultrasound experience all that much, because it hurts like a mother effer. Specially when the tech pushes super hard on your hip bone, or rib cage to get a good look at that stinking kidney they can't seem to find. Other than that. If I didn't have to endure that pain, I would love them so much more. But alas, that pain only last for a few minutes so I just suck it up and deal with it. The poor tech was having a hard time trying to get all his measurements. As he kept flipping here, there and everywhere. He also decided that he needed to be facing my back so we couldn't get a good profile shot. Or one at all really.

Now baby boy, take a lesson from your older brother and be a good boy for mommy. I understand that you will have your days. As every child does. But at least don't be a hellian. I might have to trade you in if you are. And we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we? I love you already. You and big bro Wyatt are the shining light in my heart and I hope that you grow up to be a successful, well mannered young man. If you become a bazillionaire. You have to promise to take care of me and daddy for the rest of our lives. That's an order, you hear me!! lol